GRIEVING

night by night she counts the times
a wondered girl with her veil wipe the tears
which is speaking in her silence and run to no where
she was fall down from the edge of stand
no pain feels hurt, she stand up and comeback to run
somewhere she doesn't know she was lost to unknown place
fog and smoke welcomed her 
with the sound of silence covered her self
as she try to keep move on with the eyes are blind

what she was expected about the life is changed
such a damage slap her back
strangle with a rope around her neck
and shoulders are embedded
so she's only going to be weak
and dead -

and the rain fell crying her
a girl who disappeared along with her soul
which only keep her sorrow 
and keeping her grief
longed someone would pick her up

but no, no one came for her
even just to give a touching
they just stared at her without holding
they just mourn without hug
and all that remains is  
the tears that fell on her cheeks
which was disappeared with the rain

Try Not To Cry

Kapan terakhir kali kamu menangis sampai kamu jatuh tertidur - dengan air mata mengering dipipimu - dengan isakan yang kau tahan dan mereda sehingga menyatu dalam nafasmu?

Kapan terakhir kali kamu merasa sangat sakit seperti hatimu ditusuk sembilu - seperti kamu yang berjalan dibawah sengatan duri - seperti lukamu yang basah ditiup angin hingga mengering?

Kapan terakhir kali kamu merasa menjadi gila dan ingin mati rasanya karena kepercayaanmu dikhinati, ketika kesetiaanmu dibalas dengan dusta, ketika harapan yang kau jaga dan kau sirami bak bunga kuncup yang menunggu mekar kemudian layu karena disiram racun oleh tanganmu sendiri - kapan terakhir kali kamu disakiti oleh orang yang kamu sayangi?

Aku mengalaminya - ya, bukan hanya sekali dua, tapi untuk kesekian kali dan rasanya kian hari semakin sakit dan tak pernah sesakit ini

Semacam deja-vu yang disodorkan kehadapanku

Dengan serangkaian hipotesa skenario yang pernah aku bayangkan dan kini dengan jelas fakta-fakta itu disodorkan kehadapanku, dibawah hidungku sendiri

Dan aku harus menelan ramuan pahit itu sendiri, tersedak sendiri, dan menggigil sendiri karenanya

seakan rasanya jika saat itu dinamakan sekarat, maka dengan sukarela aku akan memberikan hidupku atas izin-Nya.

Benar aku sakit, dan terus melemah, aku akan lumpuh dan terjatuh - dan  hingga pada detik itu aku berharap dan berusaha aku tak akan menangis. 

Aku mengingat lirik lagu yang disenandungkan Dewa-19 tentang manusia dan menangis :

-menangislah bila harus menangis, karena kita semua manusia'

apa yang terfikir olehku saat itu adalah mengapa jalan seperti ini yang aku dapatkan? mengapa aku berbeda dengan mereka orang-orang sekelilingku, kuat rasa ingin berlari, menghilang atau bersembunyi menyergapku. Tapi aku tahu hal - hal seperti itu hanya membuang waktu, sia-sia dan tidak menghasilkan apa-apa. Sungguh, aku tidak akan pernah mau menjadi orang merugi, lalu mengapa aku sekarang mengeluh?

mungkinkah aku sudah lelah berjalan didunia ini, atau mungkinkah ini merupakan permulaan bagiku untuk mengarungi kehidupanku yang sesungguhnya?

kemudian aku membiarkannya

melepaskannya walau sesekali aku merasa harus menelan kembali beberapa diantaranya

dan diantaranya aku bertanya-tanya, mengapa semua ini bisa terjadi, dan mengapa pilihan itu jatuh kepadaku?

mengapa selalu bertubi-tubi, mengapa menyerangku disaat aku berada diposisi terlemahku?

mengapa disaat aku mengumpulkan keping-keping kehidupanku yang berserakan justru badai itu kembali merampasnya?

mengapa aku? mengapa harus sekarang? mengapa harus seperti ini caranya?

mengapa aku yang menjadi berantakan?

pakiban keuh lon rakan e? hom keuh intan boh hatee

watee lon pike sabee-sabee lon roh ie mata

Dan tiba pada detik itu aku merasa hatiku ditonjok, aku mempermalukan diriku sendiri dihadapan Rabb-ku, Rabb yang selalu menjagaku, mengawasiku, mencintaiku tanpa syarat dan senantiasa memaafkan, tak lelah menungguku kembali ke jalan-Nya yang lurus, jalan yang dijanjikan akan mempertemukan aku dengan-Nya suatu hari kelak. 

Apakah kamu mengira kami menciptakanmu main-main (tanpa ada maksud) dan bahwa kamu tidak akan dikembalikan kepada kami? 

Q.S : Al-mu'minun 115

Mungkinkah ini cara Allah menegurku? karena cinta-Nya yang begitu besar kepadaku? Karena Allah mencintaiku.. maka dia memilihkan jalan ini untukku

untuk menuntunku kembali kejalan-Nya? mungkinkah selama ini aku sudah tersesat begitu jauh Ya Rabb??!!

Allah knows which is the best for you and you may know nothing

Don't be sad - don't be afraid, in fact Allah always be with us 

Sing : 
You, you're not aware
That we're aware 
Of your despair
Don't show your tears
To your opposer
Don't show your tears

Try not to cry little one
You're not alone
I'll stand by you
Try not to cry little one
My heart is stone
I'll throw with you

Rende-vouz

It begins when one of our EO personnel  our dear kak Echa typing some messages on Blackberry Messenger Group that she was in Medan. Kak Esra actually lives in Medan, but her job bring her to stay in Pekanbaru. She took a few days off to coincide with Christmas and New year. Well, because It's kind of rare opportunity Why do we not make any appointment to gathering - it's been so long since we last met, and I really miss them all :) Once confirmed by another EO members, we finally agreed to meet on Friday evening after work. At the same time Ari (who lives in Banda Aceh) also in Medan, he spent time to take any vacation. So, of course he will join with us, and it must be sign to be something great!

Then, we plan to meet in Naff for karaoke. I left half an hour before the time we have agreed. That's not good decision making, considering the jam that will I face in the afternoon. Medan city is famous for its lack of traffic rules and traffic jams. Too much light stops will make you get the place of destination twice from the time you use normally. I still with my uniform from the office when a becak deliver me to Raden Saleh street. Kak Echa had already got there. I'm very happy to see her, that was more than two months since we parted at Soekarno Hatta airport. We hugged each other directly, do what we should do as the sisterhood.


Because we are still waiting for another team members (they reported to be late) kak Echa and I decided to get some foods. Then we ate at the Merdeka Walk. While we enjoy eating and sharing some stories Ari contacted me, asking where we're. I told him that we were hungry and now eating. And he sounds a little bit fussy because he was already waiting for us there. I told him that he should wait - Bang Harry, Bang Yosef and Bang Krishna were on their way to get there. After a filling meal, we immediately returned to naff. Kak Echa had reserved a room for us. Arriving there, we did not find Ari, then I called him, than he told me that he was hungry, and now he's eating. sounds like kids :P

We headed to our room and then I asked for permission to do salat maghrib on the forth floor. Fifteen minutes later I went downstairs and found that other friends who had arrived there. Indeed we are having fun and immediately became crowded and noisy because of this reunion. Unfortunately, Ms. Ayu and Mr.Hendri also kak Debora were not with us. Ms. Ayu on duty to Bogor, Mr. Hendri with his family in Pekanbaru while kak Debora (he admitted to me) has a class in college - later I found out from Mr. Joseph that she wasn't get there.

We spent two hours non-stop fun to sing - it was very pleased - we are not wasting time. We use it very well. At 9 pm our time is over. We intend to continue with dinner but Bang Harry had to go to Belawan, He get his shift tonight, so we parted there. Not long after kak debora reported that she will join us.

We chose  'NELAYAN'  to dinner at Merdeka Walk (again) we decide to walk there, we left Bang Yosef who waiting Kak Debora. About 30 minutes later we spent some snacks such as fried foods, a variety of dimsum, durian pancakes and new menu are pancakes of avocado. Bang Yosef and Kak Debora arrived afterwards, we're making joke about them both as a couple, indeed Bang Yosef and Kak Debora are bestfriend but if they allow in a pair which is possibly - why not?! :P LOL

After taking some pictures and posing in some places we decided to go home.It is half past twelve when we left the park. After say good bye to Ari, we headed to my house. They drove me home, after that they driver to Kak Esra. I just a little bit worried about kak Debora, because they're the last to drive her. after reciving text message that send by Kak Debora that told me she was at her room, I finally take a rest. 
This night friday it was great and memorable, I'll miss you lot guys, thank you for being here with me.


#EsraAritonang-YosefTobing-Azhari-HarrySaragih-DeboraTambunan#

Jambo Nyoe

Meuho ka teungku oh teungku
nyang po jambo nyoe jambo nyoe
ijin ke kamoe wahee teungku
kamoe jak gisa keu neuk meujak wo
kamoe jak gisa keu neuk meujak wo

meuleubeh haba peumeu'ah wareh
kadang syit meupaleng yoh teungku teu khem
saweueb that malee hana ileum'ee
peugah hai teungku pat pat nyang gura
saweueb that malee hana ileum'ee
peugah hai teungku pat pat nyang gura

tika meulapeh lam jambo ubeuet
teumpat seumeubeuet alem ulama
teumpat kamoe meureuno agama
peu amai keu beukai dudoe
peu amai keu beukai dudoe

04 Januari 2012

Well .. even though there was not expected with what I have imagined before, finally the surprises well done! :D

Selamat Ulang Tahun Kak Deboraa :) 

Debora Fransiska 24th

Ternyata 04 Januari bukan hanya milik kak Debora seorang, tapi milik pak Raja Hadi Simargolang juga, hahaha

34 VS 24

 Tim Sukses :

Ayu Susanti, Riris Marline Simanjuntak, Indah Pratiwi, Nidatul Jamiati, Izzah Ulfa, Cut Raudahatul Gurfa, Irefala Chandra, Cut Agus Triani Syamdiofa, Nida Khairani, Ayu Meryka, Agus Ahmad Adhari Helbi Dahril, Aidil, Mr. Candra S, Probo Sulistiyo, Romandri Sihombing.

TWO THUMBS UP

Thank you everybody!! :)